I am the 'new' Chronohistorian

[dave_kinky]

I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Greetings humanoids ( I believe that is the stock phrase of Time Travellers is it not? )

I am Chronohistorian, recently 101 years old and Governor of England on these boards. However when I reached the age of 125 I was promoted to Super Prime President Of England And France which were joined together by my idea for a gigantic space bridge after the channel tunnel was somewhat improbably destroyed by lizard-men from the planet Creedopolis.

Anyway I was getting ready to be downloaded back to 2006 (because I can't keep away) and was just checking the clone Chronohistorian would be OK to continue being the Super Prime President Of England And France for me while I'm inhabiting the 12 year old boy's body I always 'transfer' to in the semi-detached 'time house' in Surrey that I come back to in 2006 and lo and behold I accidentally dropped some time cake onto the time control panel and was accidentally 'transferred' into the body of 'dave kinky' instead. So once back in 2006 I thought I'd hot tail it back to the old TT discussion forum rather than anywhere else like a seat of power or a military installation and just keep that darned old Chrono-story a rollin'

You may notice the lack of spelling errors or 21st century vernacular, I'm expecting that its due to the incorrect 'transfer' this time that happened and I've also not downloaded the skills to change the insulting signature about myself.

So - ask me your questions should you wish, I'm waiting for you in my time house symbolically slowly eating a time Cadbury's Flake......

 

[norn_iron]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

can u tell us what colour the lizard people are!?
is the queen one?
what type of cake caused your machine to malfunction!?

when does the world end!?

 

[norn_iron]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

and more importantly

do they still sell cream eggs at easter?

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Naturally the lizard men are green, although some of them are gold depending on whether its their mating season. Sadly they've conquered most of the old Eurasian continent so there's always eggs hidden under the space bridge (which was my idea don't forget) and bleeding reptile kids running around when you're trying to get your space car home to the Greater Conurbation Of London-South and causing tailbacks.

It was TIME cake obviously, with a crunchy muscle tree topping

Thanks for spending precious moments of your life asking me though!

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Huh and of course we have easter, I know I/Chrono is from the 26th century but outdated superstitions in an entirely unproven Christian God certainly prevail - even if the world mostly speaks Arabic (please see some of my earliest threads regarding this)

As Super Prime President back in my own time (forward??), when I'm not having holographic adult relations with 3D Britney Spears (minor pop stars of the 21st century are so popular in the far future don't you know) I'm down the church with my skaaran mate Big Fred to pray a bit to Baby Jesus.

Yes in the 24 years since I was 101 we've made friends with the Skaarans - all that fighting over lunarium or whatever its called has come to an end when the Skaarans realised it was but a figment of the imagination! Plus we gave them some free space toilets with space starfish washers and everyone was happy!!!

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Hooooo boy its quiet on here isn't it? 65 views and only 2 replies? You all busy time travelling or something? Anyway 'Brick' here, again, you know you can't get rid of me, I can't be killed. Thought I'd treat you to some of my 'greatest hits' just so you know I'm still here and the sheer brilliance of the whole 'Chrono-story' - anybody would think you're sick to death of it!! Shurely not!!?? Anyway likesay if you've got any further questions about lizard men, Skaarans, the terrorist attack on Big Ben (a clock in London), my favourite cake, that type of thing don't hesitate to post me your query - you know I'll get back to you ASAP - thanks Brick

Here's a beauty from page 70 of the 'I am Chronohistorian...' thread:

"I was drafted into the military in 2523. A couple of months had passed and I was in a Scout ship that had been sent to the scene of a battle that pushed us back from that system. It had no people on the planet but it was very important to us as we had mines down there for mining some lunarium. I was sent there to see if they were still there. It looked like they weren't so I decided to go further in.

While doing so four of their frigates had been waiting for me and started firing. I was no match for the frigates but I managed to disable two of them before my weapons and most of my propulsion was destroyed. All I could do was move with thrusters so I managed to lay one torpedo out like a mine and I destroyed one of the disabled frigates who just got their engines back online.

I was ordered to surrender. With no choice because my weapons systems and engines were down. I did so but not before launching a beacon back to Earth.

I spent the next 3 months as a prisoner of war. The skaarans made us fight gladiatorial like battles to amuse them. The other prisoners made a deal with each other. We would only knock each other unconscious and not kill each other. I wasn't very good and got knocked unconscious many times.
There was a captain there too that had been there for four months before me. He got caught near the start of the war. He managed to think up an escape plan and within a week the 5,000 prisoners who were in the prison with me knew about it while the skaarans didn't know what we were planning.

One of the men who was in there was in the EIA (Earth Intelligence Agency) and had been caught spying in skaaran territory. He managed to pickpocket a guard's hand held computer that he used to play games on. He gave it to an engineer who managed to reprogramme it to unlock all the doors in the prison and make the surveillance equipment "repeat". During the night we unlocked all of the prisoners and managed to reach the weapons bay where we got weapons. Sadly we were caught escaping when we got to the landing bay and fierce fighting continued for over 3 hours. Many people were killed including the captain who planned the escape and the engineer who helped the most.

We managed to fight our way to five old battleships and take off but the head guard had already called for reinforcements from the home planet and as we took off there was already one destroyer and a couple of fighters waiting for us there. We managed to destroy one but not before a ship of ours was destroyed. On long range censors we could see a whole armada of skaaran ships heading for us that would reach us within three hours because they were much faster. They were frigates but they could easily destroy four old battleships. We put a distress call out to earth which was picked up by Fourth Contingent Command that was 5 hours away for us but if they sent their ships they would reach us before that. They sent the ships but the skaarans reached us first and it was another 20 minutes before our reinforcements arrived. Another of our ships was lost plus one from the Fourth Contingent. After one hour of fighting they retreated and we were victorious however over 2,700 of the escaped prisoners perished. I was also seriously injured after the console I was on blew up in my face. I spent 3 days in hospital.

Once I was back on earth I was allowed to stay at home one month with my family before I was asked if I wanted to rejoin. Conscripts are allowed to not be conscripted again if they were prisoners of war that escaped. I chose to rejoin as a fighter pilot. A dangerous job but I managed to survive. I was promoted to Captain or a small battleship after 17 years and fought many battles and lost many of my crew but I was always victorious in battle even if I was outnumbered. 2 years later I was made part of Operation SpaceLord. We were winning the war so Earth High Command thought it was time take the rest of the skaaran planets. 30 of the newest ships that were the fastest and most powerful were taken along for it as well as 100 older ships. I was given command of one of the newer ships-The Fearless. For 8 months all we did was battle. I barely slept as we kept pressing forward. The last stage was when we reached their home solar system. It was terrible. They put up their biggest resistance there. For 7 days I was constantly battling. They knew they had lost but they battled on. The losing didn't seem to bother them. On the 7th day I had to escape the ship. It was about to be destroyed. I had no weapons left or shields so I ordered everyone to the escape pods and got in one myself. I put the ship on a course to hit their biggest mothership that had withstood days of bombardment and had destroyed 6 of our own ships. My ship made it to the big mothership easily as the engines on that ship had been destroyed but the mother ship still did not blow up however it took the shields down and within hours the ship was destroyed by fighters. It was another four days before the skaarans surrendered and I wasn't there to enjoy it. I hoped I would be there but my ship was destroyed. I saw pictures but it wasn't the same.

The citizens of the skaaran planet still kept on fighting I was told. They wouldn't give up no matter what. In the end we had to destroy their planet and kill every skaaran. It sounds like genocide but we had no choice.

After the war I was given command of a new ship. I was hoping to be promoted but losing a ship stops you from being promoted.

5 years later I became a time guard and was commissioned as a leutenant commander as I was a captain in the military.

In my time it is now 2580 and I am the fifth in command of all earth time guards. I have been sent here with a team because terrorists are increasingly using a new sort of time travel called stealth travel. It is getting harder to detect them before they reach their designated time and they seem to be coming to this time so until our scientists develop a scanner to negate the effects of stealth travel I will be staying here. This will probably be my last post in this forum though so if you want to contact me you will have to do so over yahoo. I can't tell you much about the future though as I have more responsibilities as a time guard so don't be surprised if I say something like "I can't say".

my yahoo is: anonymous_traveller2522"

See, from mere time historian to fighter pilot, fifth in command of all time guards (Ralph, Mike, The Fonz, Geoff and Barry) then governor of England and now SUPER PRIME PRESIDENT OF ENGLAND AND FRANCE
I think you can all agree thats a career path not to be sniffed at!

Right I'm off to look at some photos of 21st century girls with their tops off and read the Bible a bit

BRICK
XXXX
/ttiforum/images/graemlins/yum.gif

 

[RainmanTime]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Thanks Kinky....errr....I mean Chrono! I wish I could be more like you!

I spent the next 3 months as a prisoner of war. The skaarans made us fight gladiatorial like battles to amuse them. The other prisoners made a deal with each other. We would only knock each other unconscious and not kill each other. I wasn't very good and got knocked unconscious many times.

This explains a lot....yes, indeed, it certainly does. Hard to blame the download process when the "source material" for the D/L is already "damaged goods"!

He gave it to an engineer who managed to reprogramme it to unlock all the doors in the prison and make the surveillance equipment "repeat".

And he did it all with a toothpick he saved from the mess hall and some belly button lint he had been saving up. What you haven't told us before is that McGyver was on your team!

Many people were killed including the captain who planned the escape and the engineer who helped the most.

Yeah, as always happens in real life, the smartest people get killed first and the idiots live on to tell tall tales!

We put a distress call out to earth which was picked up by Fourth Contingent Command that was 5 hours away for us but if they sent their ships they would reach us before that.

Of course... because if I tell you they are five hours away, it should be easy to understand that it will take less than five hours to get to us! Yep. Makes perfect sense! /ttiforum/images/graemlins/yum.gif

They sent the ships but the skaarans reached us first and it was another 20 minutes before our reinforcements arrived. Another of our ships was lost plus one from the Fourth Contingent. After one hour of fighting they retreated and we were victorious however over 2,700 of the escaped prisoners perished. I was also seriously injured after the console I was on blew up in my face. I spent 3 days in hospital.

Amazing how he....errr, you... can remember this kind of detail about something that happened when you were young, but are so devoid of details of major events in "our" future!

I was promoted to Captain or a small battleship after 17 years and fought many battles and lost many of my crew but I was always victorious in battle even if I was outnumbered.

See above... the smart ones fell around him like bowling pins, but being the clueless lunk that Chrono is he always managed to bungle thru things alive!

I was given command of one of the newer ships-The Fearless.

Well, of course! DUH!

For 8 months all we did was battle. I barely slept as we kept pressing forward.

I'm sure you must have had some time for cake in there, too! /ttiforum/images/graemlins/smile.gif

The losing didn't seem to bother them.

They must have had better cake!

The citizens of the skaaran planet still kept on fighting I was told. They wouldn't give up no matter what. In the end we had to destroy their planet and kill every skaaran. It sounds like genocide but we had no choice.

More than just sounds like genocide... I believe this would be called a textbook example. Also sounds a lot like typical justifications for genocide!

I was hoping to be promoted but losing a ship stops you from being promoted.

Losing (smart) people is not such a big deal, but losing a ship! Wow, they really get on your case!

Man, Brick, I wish I could live your kind of adventurous life! :eek:
RMT

 

[norn_iron]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

hey about the attack on big ben, do you think that the lizard people have anything to do with it? personally i think it'll be caused by global warming but your future perspective would be much appreciated!

im glad easter is still around! dont think i could live without cream eggs. i thought they where preparing us for some kind of changeover with the release of "cream egg bars" . thank you for clearing that up!

where can i get myself a space starfish washer!? do you reckon you could get some sent back?

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

In reply to:
"Thanks Kinky....errr....I mean Chrono! I wish I could be more like you!

In reply to:
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I spent the next 3 months as a prisoner of war. The skaarans made us fight gladiatorial like battles to amuse them. The other prisoners made a deal with each other. We would only knock each other unconscious and not kill each other. I wasn't very good and got knocked unconscious many times.


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This explains a lot....yes, indeed, it certainly does. Hard to blame the download process when the "source material" for the D/L is already "damaged goods"!

In reply to:
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He gave it to an engineer who managed to reprogramme it to unlock all the doors in the prison and make the surveillance equipment "repeat".


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And he did it all with a toothpick he saved from the mess hall and some belly button lint he had been saving up. What you haven't told us before is that McGyver was on your team!

In reply to:
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Many people were killed including the captain who planned the escape and the engineer who helped the most.


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Yeah, as always happens in real life, the smartest people get killed first and the idiots live on to tell tall tales!

In reply to:
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We put a distress call out to earth which was picked up by Fourth Contingent Command that was 5 hours away for us but if they sent their ships they would reach us before that.


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Of course... because if I tell you they are five hours away, it should be easy to understand that it will take less than five hours to get to us! Yep. Makes perfect sense!

In reply to:
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They sent the ships but the skaarans reached us first and it was another 20 minutes before our reinforcements arrived. Another of our ships was lost plus one from the Fourth Contingent. After one hour of fighting they retreated and we were victorious however over 2,700 of the escaped prisoners perished. I was also seriously injured after the console I was on blew up in my face. I spent 3 days in hospital.


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Amazing how he....errr, you... can remember this kind of detail about something that happened when you were young, but are so devoid of details of major events in "our" future!

In reply to:
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I was promoted to Captain or a small battleship after 17 years and fought many battles and lost many of my crew but I was always victorious in battle even if I was outnumbered.


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See above... the smart ones fell around him like bowling pins, but being the clueless lunk that Chrono is he always managed to bungle thru things alive!

In reply to:
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I was given command of one of the newer ships-The Fearless.


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Well, of course! DUH!

In reply to:
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For 8 months all we did was battle. I barely slept as we kept pressing forward.


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I'm sure you must have had some time for cake in there, too!

In reply to:
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The losing didn't seem to bother them.


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They must have had better cake!

In reply to:
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The citizens of the skaaran planet still kept on fighting I was told. They wouldn't give up no matter what. In the end we had to destroy their planet and kill every skaaran. It sounds like genocide but we had no choice.


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More than just sounds like genocide... I believe this would be called a textbook example. Also sounds a lot like typical justifications for genocide!

In reply to:
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I was hoping to be promoted but losing a ship stops you from being promoted.



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Losing (smart) people is not such a big deal, but losing a ship! Wow, they really get on your case!

Man, Brick, I wish I could live your kind of adventurous life!
RMT"

Hi Brick/Chrono/Dave back once again for the renegade master...
Thanks for your incisive reply to my 'greatest hit #1' I'm sorry for the delay in replying I was recharging the atomic battery on my time-cake (it self generates every time I eat a slice of its lizard-berry and muscle tree munchy goodness mmmmm hmmmm!)

Yes the sad tale of my history is indeed displayed above,and I know it sounds like 'genocide' but we really had no choice did we? When I stood in front of the Supreme Intergalactic Court Of Time Judge Justice on the Planet Zarg and Judge Hagglefrax Of Norgon said "Brick how does your plea of not guilty arise to the charge of genocide when you killed every single skaaran there was? It sounds bloody totally like genocide to me, in fact I'm pretty sure if I looked up the word 'genocide' in the Intergalactic Dictionary there'd be a hologram of you and your mates murdering all of the skaarans with surround sound. And stop eating that bloody cake!"

And you know what? I looked at him and winked and, wiping the crumbs of time cake away from my pouty little mouth said "Hagglefrax baby - we had. no. choice."
And of course I was let off with merely a few smacks on the bot from a time guard's slipper!

Later, when I was sat on my space toilet with a steady stream of warm water irrigating my puckered little starfish (only available in the 26th century i'm afraid) - did I weep for all of those millions of Skaaran corpses floating in deep space with laser marks all over their petrified flesh?
No. I cried over the fact that losing my spaceship meant I couldn't get a promotion and probably slaughter a different race of sentient lifeforms. God life is SO UNFAIR.
Then I thought about my future and I said to mummy "Mummy I might not be able to wipe out any more alien scum but I'm certainly going to aim to become Governor Of England and then later Supreme Prime President Of The Whole Of England AND France AS Well"

She said to me in Arabic "Brick with your drive, determination and lets face it, sheer good luck, because God knows (she believes in the Christian God too, natch) we paid the Skaarans enough galactic groats to make sure you died in the first day of the space battle, I'm sure you'll achieve your goal" ... and went back to making sure the pipe from our shuttle's space engine was securely attached to the window of the cockpit and the engine pumping toxic gas into it... just like when daddy accidentally completely vapourised himself five years before when he heard I'd escaped from the Skaaran prison

/ttiforum/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

hey about the attack on big ben, do you think that the lizard people have anything to do with it? personally i think it'll be caused by global warming but your future perspective would be much appreciated!

im glad easter is still around! dont think i could live without cream eggs. i thought they where preparing us for some kind of changeover with the release of "cream egg bars" . thank you for clearing that up!

where can i get myself a space starfish washer!? do you reckon you could get some sent back?
---------------------------------
Do you know thinking about it I'm sure the Lizard Men might have something to do with it, they can time travel as well. I see their evil shape changey faces all the time in the 21st century. Usually they're ahead of me in the queue at the bakery when I'm buying cake. Only last week I was reading my time-scanner about your future and it said '2008 Big Ben Terrorist Attack Occurs - Could be Lizard Men could be terrorists!' - naturally I was shocked and tripped over, pulling out the plug and it when it rebooted it said '2008 access denied!' - so maybe the Lizard Men deprogrammed it when I was at the swimming baths? It looks much like a 'walkman' so they may have got confused.

Yes in the 26th century we still have creme eggs, 500 years worth of social, economic and political upheaval hasn't dented our taste for chocolate confectionery but we now have special space wrappers that mean the wrapper comes off even when the chocolate is warm.

Man, Chrono really has combined with me, that entire creme egg paragraph above is pretty much stock-in-trade for crying out loud Chrono who the f%*$ cares quality gold is it not?

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

Regarding muscle trees, I know I tend to bang on about them as much as time-cake but here's a mini greatest hit from me around page 32 from my 'I am from the year blah blah blah' thread:

"Trees with muscles do not have skeletons. They are held up with a bigger muscle that is long and strong"

Now does anybody here think my description is phallic and indeed a bit of wish fulfillment in that particular area? I certainly do. There were a lot of unanswered questions on the same page that I didn't reply to, I said my computer had crashed and I only answered a few of them, really though I just couldn't be ar$ed. However I'm older and certainly wiser now so I will be answering them shortly. All of them. For your pleasure here they are these from 'Timescholar' :

Chrono, a bunch of questions (topics in bold)...

Politics

1 - What is the capital of the US in 500 years? Is it still Washington DC?
2 - Why and when did New York become the capital of the world?
3 - I'm from Baltimore, Maryland (USA - NE of Washington DC. Will Baltimore and Washington merge into 1 super-city as their suburbs grow? (What will Baltimore be like then?)
4 - Just a curiosity, is my city involved in any historical events in the next 500 years?


Sports

5 - What sports will still be around? (Baseball, American Football, soccer, basketball, etc.)
6 - Will Baltimore, Maryland ever host the Olympics?
7 - What new sports will there be?
8 - Where will the next, say, 10 olympics be held after Athens?

Living Styles

9 - What do houses and buildings of the future look like?
10 - Is the food diet of people any different?
11 - Is the Internet as we know it still around?
12 - What types of personal technology will people have?
13 - How do hospitals of the future function (and the technology they have)?

Science & Discoveries

14 - What would you say are the most notable scientific, and natural discoveries are in the 21st century?
15 - You mentioned other lifeforms, when do people meet these lifeforms, and how is first contact made? What was the general reaction amongst the population each time?
16 - Why do the Scarrans hate you?
17 - Can you give a general list of the lifeforms and their lifestyles? (including primitive ones)
18 - How is Venus and Mars being terraformed, and how far along is that progress? (Does Mars have liquid water now? Is it being warmed up for for water? Does it have plants?)
19 - How does mandkind have enough water for the Earth, Moon, Mars and Venus?
20 - When (year) do we discover life on Jupiter's moons?
21 - You mentioned there's 3 species that have space travel. I've seen 2 (Scarrans and Lizarans). What's the other one, and can you discribe them?
22 - Can you discribe the culture (daily life) of the other lifeforms? What is their home planet like? Do they breathe the same type of air, or is their athmosphere a different mix of gases other than oxygen and nitrogen)?

Other questions

23 - It seems you've seen Star Trek. What parts would you say are 'accurate' (i.e., science fiction becoming science fact)?
24 - Are their still computer games in 500 years? Or, is everything done with the life simulator?
25 - Will there be any natural or manmade disaters in the US?
26 - What type of technology do the other lifeforms have?
27 - Why is it that the Lizarans already speak a form of English? I do find that hard to swallow a bit... after all, they would have a culture completely different than ours.
28 - Will anything happen to Yellowstone National Park (it has an active culdera beneath the park).
29 - Do any countries/region ever unite and form a larger country? (like Europe seems to be doing).
30 - Can you tell us more about WWIII, like what happens, and why it starts?
31 - What was the reason for the Scarran war?
32 - There's currently a theory that time travel might be possible (along with String Theory), however, the catch is that while you can go forward in time, you can't go back in time before the first time travel device was made. There was a program on this recently, have you seen it? Why is it that your time travel seems to be the opposite of what the current theory is?
33 - How right or wrong was Einstein?
34 - You say there's over 60 billion people on Earth. Why doesn't the world population stagnate at 10 billion like is theorized? Or, is that the population for Earth, the Moon, Mars and Venus?
35 - Can you tell us more about the Moon, Mars and Venus? How is the terraforming done, and what's life like on those planets?
36 - Will animals like tigers, elephants, rhinos, etc. become extinct, or still be around?
37 - What's the education system like?
38 - Do people keep any other pets, or new species of animals for pets? (Do people still keep cats, dogs, birds, etc.? Any new breeds of cats/birds/dogs)
39 - What's it like to grow up in 2500ad?
40 - Will the "Big One" (massive earthquake) strike California? (if so, what year, if you can tell)


Keep your cake warm and the answers will be with you soon!

Brick / Dave / Chrono

Incidentally if anybody out there needs any questions I failed to answer before sorted out once and for all let me know, I'm a changed man (well, a man for a start)

 

[dave_kinky]

Re: I am the \'new\' Chronohistorian

OKAY HERE ARE THE REPLIES

LOVE BRICK


Politics



1 - What is the capital of the US in 500 years? Is it still Washington DC?
NO, THERE IS NO US, IT IS THE UNITED COLONIES OF NORTH AMERICANADA AND THE CAPITAL IS HOUSTON, WASHINGTON WAS DESTROYED BY LIZARD MEN IN THE GREAT CAKE WAR OF 2109
2 - Why and when did New York become the capital of the world? I WAS JUST KIDDING ABOUT THAT ONE
3 - I'm from Baltimore, Maryland (USA - NE of Washington DC. Will Baltimore and Washington merge into 1 super-city as their suburbs grow? (What will Baltimore be like then?) THE WHOLE BLAMED CONTINENT MERGES TOGETHER WITH FLOATING FIELDS FOR THE COWS AND $H IT
4 - Just a curiosity, is my city involved in any historical events in the next 500 years? BALTIMORE? bWAH HA HA HA. AS IF.


Sports

5 - What sports will still be around? (Baseball, American Football, soccer, basketball, etc.) NONE OF THEM, ONE-EYED SNAKE SHAKING IS THE NEW SPORT, I AM A MASTER
6 - Will Baltimore, Maryland ever host the Olympics? OH YOU FUNNY I LOVE YOU LONG TIME
7 - What new sports will there be? TROUSER BILLIARDS, 3-D BRITNEY SPEARS SHAGGING, MUSCLE TREE FONDLING, LIZARD MEN-BAITING (ILLEGAL THOUGH) AND DESTROYING OF ENTIRE ALIEN RACES LIKE THE SKAARANS FOR A LAUGH OLYMPICS. OH AND WEEPING BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET A SPACESHIP PROMOTION IS NOW A TEAM EVENT.
8 - Where will the next, say, 10 olympics be held after Athens? WHO THE HELL CARES? BALTIMORE THEN

Living Styles

9 - What do houses and buildings of the future look like? LIKE BIG SHINY SILVER ROCKET SHIPS WITH FINS PAINTED BRIGHT RED ON THE SIDE AND SPARKS SHOOTING OUT WHEN THEY FLY
10 - Is the food diet of people any different? MOSTLY CAKE
11 - Is the Internet as we know it still around? NO, WE GO TO HUGE SEE THRU BUBBLES FLOATING IN THE SKY AND THE 'UNI-WEB' IS IMPLANTED STRAIGHT INTO A TUBE IN THE BACK OF OUR HEAD AND IMAGES AND SOUND BEAMED INTO OUR BRAINS. FROM GOD.
12 - What types of personal technology will people have? BIONIC WRIST IMPLANTS FOR WHEN YOU'RE STUCK ALONE FOR 3 HOURS IN A SEE THRU BUBBLE WITH A 3D BRITNEY SPEARS. WARM WATER BLASTERS FOR CLEANING YOUR TIME RING IN THE TOILET. AND SONIC CAKE SLICES.
13 - How do hospitals of the future function (and the technology they have)? THEY DON'T, NOBODY EVER GETS ILL, WHEN I WAS INJURED FIGHTING THE SKAARANS (SEE 'GREATEST HIT #1') I HAD TO PATCH MYSELF UP WITH CAKE UNTIL I COULD GET BACK TO EARTH.

Science & Discoveries

14 - What would you say are the most notable scientific, and natural discoveries are in the 21st century? ALGERNON BLAZENBY'S PSYCHOTROPIC DEATH RAY INVENTED IN 2099 AD
15 - You mentioned other lifeforms, when do people meet these lifeforms, and how is first contact made? What was the general reaction amongst the population each time? WE MEET THEM IN 2145 AND START KILLING THEM SOON AFTER. THEY LOOK FUNNY AND CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, OR ARABIC OR WHATEVER THE HELL PEOPLE ON EARTH ARE SUPPOSED TO TALK
16 - Why do the Scarrans hate you? ITS SKAARANS ISN'T IT? THEY HATE US BECAUSE I DROPPED A PHOTON BOMB ON THEIR PEACE DELEGATION WITHIN 5 MINUTES OF MEETING THEM
17 - Can you give a general list of the lifeforms and their lifestyles? (including primitive ones)
HORRIBLE RUBBERY BLUE THINGS AND NASTY SQUIDGY GREEN BUG EYED FOUL HIDEOUS MONSTERS FROM OUTER SPACE
18 - How is Venus and Mars being terraformed, and how far along is that progress? (Does Mars have liquid water now? Is it being warmed up for for water? Does it have plants?) NO, THEY WERE DESTROYED BY THE SKAARANS ABOUT 10 MINUTES AFTER I DROPPED A PHOTON BOMB ON THEIR PEACE DELEGATION
19 - How does mandkind have enough water for the Earth, Moon, Mars and Venus? NOT AN ISSUE NOW, PLUS WE TURNED BALTIMORE INTO A HUGE RESERVOIR
20 - When (year) do we discover life on Jupiter's moons? WE DON'T, IS THAT SOMETHING ELSE I MADE UP? JEEEEZUS
21 - You mentioned there's 3 species that have space travel. I've seen 2 (Scarrans and Lizarans). What's the other one, and can you discribe them? CREEDONS, THEY ARE SMALL AND GREY WITH HAIRY BACKS AND BUG EYES
22 - Can you discribe the culture (daily life) of the other lifeforms? What is their home planet like? Do they breathe the same type of air, or is their athmosphere a different mix of gases other than oxygen and nitrogen)? SKAARANS - N/A, IT IS FLOATING BITS OF ROCK AND LASER MINES, LIZARD-MEN HAVE NOW CONQUERED A LOT OF EARTH ITSELF - SO 'EARTHY' AND CREEDONS LIVE IN DANK, FETID LONELY HOLES IN A SWAMP PLANET

Other questions

23 - It seems you've seen Star Trek. What parts would you say are 'accurate' (i.e., science fiction becoming science fact)? THE UNIFORMS AND GETTING TO SHAG LOADS OF ALIEN BIRDS (THEN HIDEOUSLY KILL THEM)
24 - Are their still computer games in 500 years? Or, is everything done with the life simulator? YES, THE LATTER
25 - Will there be any natural or manmade disaters in the US? OH YES
26 - What type of technology do the other lifeforms have? SKAARANS - N/A, LIZARD-MEN HAVE LIZARD MOBILES, LIZARD LOUNGES AND REPTILE HOUSES, CREEDONS DO NOT THINK LIKE WE DO AND HAVE THEIR PERSONAL PARASITES TO KEEP THEM COMPANY. WE'RE AIMING TO MASSACRE THEM ALL SOON DON'T YOU WORRY
27 - Why is it that the Lizarans already speak a form of English? I do find that hard to swallow a bit... after all, they would have a culture completely different than ours. NO, THEIR HUGE LIZARD SHIP, THE LIZARDAN LIZARDY LIZARD HAS BEEN PICKING UP OUR RADIO TRANSMISSIONS FOR CENTURIES AND THEIR PEACE DELEGATION WERE ALL DRESSED AS OLIVE FRON 'ON THE BUSES' WHEN WE MET THEM AND INSISTED TALKING IN COCKNEY ACCENTS
28 - Will anything happen to Yellowstone National Park (it has an active culdera beneath the park).YES, IT IS NOW YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL MOUNTAINS AND LIZARD MEN PRISON
29 - Do any countries/region ever unite and form a larger country? (like Europe seems to be doing).YES, LITHUANIA AND LATVIA BECOME LATVANIA AND THE US AND CANADA COMBINE AFTER THE SKAARANS DESTROYED BALTIMORE. PLUS ENGLAND AND FRANCE COMBINE (WITH A SPACE BRIDGE - MY IDEA)
30 - Can you tell us more about WWIII, like what happens, and why it starts? NAH
31 - What was the reason for the Scarran war? DETAILED ABOVE, ALSO MY IDEA
32 - There's currently a theory that time travel might be possible (along with String Theory), however, the catch is that while you can go forward in time, you can't go back in time before the first time travel device was made. There was a program on this recently, have you seen it? Why is it that your time travel seems to be the opposite of what the current theory is? JUST IS, FAR OUT
33 - How right or wrong was Einstein? INBETWEENY
34 - You say there's over 60 billion people on Earth. Why doesn't the world population stagnate at 10 billion like is theorized? Or, is that the population for Earth, the Moon, Mars and Venus? WELLLL, IT WAS AT ONE POINT
35 - Can you tell us more about the Moon, Mars and Venus? How is the terraforming done, and what's life like on those planets? BOOOORING, LIKE THESE BLOODY QUESTIONS
36 - Will animals like tigers, elephants, rhinos, etc. become extinct, or still be around? BYE TIGERS
37 - What's the education system like? HAVE YOU READ ANY OF MY POSTS? YOU DECIDE
38 - Do people keep any other pets, or new species of animals for pets? (Do people still keep cats, dogs, birds, etc.? Any new breeds of cats/birds/dogs) SOME PEOPLE KEEP CREEDONS
39 - What's it like to grow up in 2500ad? CAKE-TASTIC
40 - Will the "Big One" (massive earthquake) strike California? (if so, what year, if you can tell) YYES, 2007

THANKS FOR READING, CHRONOHISTORIAN (SUPER PRIME PRESIDENT OF ENGLAND AND FRANCE)
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