"The future ain't what it used to be."

The "Valerie Bertinelli" Yoko Ono Conspiracy...

The \"Valerie Bertinelli\" Yoko Ono Conspiracy...

We suspect many many things about Ms Bertinelli...

She is an "Italian" of course...

They hate "anglo-saxon" people and anything "good"...

So we believe she was a "sent to Eddie Van Halen"

A prodigy and master on the "electric guitar"...

He can do things "that no one else can"...

And Van Halen does something "odd" with their VAN HALEN II album...

They start to be reminiscint of THE BEACH BOYS...

They become "known as the new CALIFORNIAN SOUND" at clubs like the WHISKEY A GO-GO on Sunset Strip...

They love to do "classic feel good" cover tunes as well...

Then after being married to Valeria Bertinelli, Eddie Van Halen becomes a struggling "alocholic"..

And can barely function after being married to Ms. Bertinelli...

And she gets "in between" the band...

She claims to "hate David Lee Roth"...

And won't even stand on the same side of the stage during concerts performances...

Ah Valerie? Why aren't you in the audience crowd like everyone else?

Do you have 'italian psychic powers'? Honey?... :)


And what happens...

Mr. Eddie Van Halen and Valeria Bertinelli finally get divorced after 10 YEARS OF SEPARATION???!!!


And VAN HALEN reunites and tours with WOLFGANG VAN HALEN instead of MICHAEL ANTHONY...

Ah Eddie... Lighten up... You shouldn't have "thrown out" MICHAEL ANTHONY out of the band because he plays with SAMMY HAGAR once in awhile... You HIRED SAMMY HAGAR...

Dude! Mellow out... Man... :)

Bring back MICHAEL ANTHONY... And maybe SAMMY HAGAR to sing his songs... Not bad really.. No David Lee but he has his "own sound" as well...



TheCigMan
 
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